All-Grown-Up Christmas List

Hi! While Jen is on her fun girly weekend, you have to endure my presence are lucky to have me here! My name is Rachel and I'm normally seen around the blog, Following in My Shoes.

When I was a child, the official Christmas List started forming not long after Labor Day. Summer and all of its glorious fun was over; boring classes had resumed. Only Halloween and Christmas were left as the next big highlights of this little girl's life . . . and Christmas was definitely #1.

My Little Lady isn't old enough to make wish lists. Heck, she doesn't even understand the concept of Christmas yet. Based on our excursions to Hobby Lobby and other crafting stores, it's obvious she just sees it all as another opportunity to see how many breakable things she can put into her mouth. (Question: Can anyone tell me when this puppy stage will end?)

So, here I am -- nearly 30 (gulp), no longer a newly wed, with a child who literally believes life is meant to be ingested. Have I outgrown Christmas lists -- become "too adult" for such childish foolishness? Not at all! My list, on the other hand, is slightly more adult that my lists of yore.

Without further ado, I give you "The All-Grown Up Christmas List of Things to Make My Mommy Life Super-Duper Fantastic."

(give me a minute; the title left me out of breath)


(1) An AWESOME Camera

* The brand and model is negligible. The functions of this camera are not! I expect it to automatically shave 45 lbs off of my butt and 20 lbs off of my stomach. Optional features should include automatic boob jobs, wrinkle removing, and skin tightening.

It would also be nice to have a "Best Looking Broad" feature, where, at the click of a button, the camera would automatically adjust everyone in the picture -- leaving me looking like the Hottest Mom EVER! (oh, um . . . yeah -- sorry to those of you who end up in pics with me!)


(2) Lightening Speed Laptop with Lightening Speed Internet Service

*I'm tired of crashes and my daily 5 minute waiting game when I push the computer's power button. I want a laptop that weighs less than 2 lbs and is less than 1 inch thick. This computer must have the latest graphics programs and be able to handle multiple functions without delay. An increased spam guard, one that automatically recognizes and removes all spam without question, is required. It must be able to withstand the fierce biting grip of a one-year-old's jaws. It must also fold up into a 3 inch by 3 inch square, leaving it small enough to fit in my purse. The computer must also be red -- I like red.


(3) Another Tattoo

* Yes, I wrote "another;" don't look so shocked. I used to have a secret, slightly rebellious side. Now that I'm getting older, I want something that will help keep that secret, slightly rebellious side alive. (Sorry, Mom.)


(4) Automatic Diaper Changing Station

*Seriously, how AWESOME would this be??? Picture it -- NEVER having to deal with another disgusting diaper again! The Diaper Changing Station must be able to keep a wiggling toddler occupied and the kid's hands free & clear of "you-know-what." It must also have an automatic freshening option that makes the area, the room, and your child smell as fresh as roses (or fresh grass, for the boys).

Please, oh Genius Engineer, who may or may not be reading this, please start working on this. I promise Santa will buy it for me!


(5) Elf Cleaning Service

* This Mama, un-apologetically, would much rather spend time blogging than cleaning. Therefore, I would like a service of Elves to clean my house at night, after we've gone to bed. The work must be done silently so my sleep (and that of my family) is not disturbed. When I wake in the mornings, I must be greeted by the fresh scent of clean bathrooms, with top-notes of orange oil. I am willing to pay extra if a hot bubble bath is waiting for me when I walk into the bathroom.

All laundry must be washed, folded, and ironed, if applicable. In addition, all baseboards, molding, and ceiling fans must be kept dust and cob-web free. No exceptions, Elves!


And, that's it -- just 5 simple requests. I think they should be easy enough to come by if anyone feels like they want to buy me a present! (hint, hint)